Beyond Rewards and Consequences

Nearly twenty years ago, during my years as a substitute teacher in Los Angeles, I stumbled upon a truth that would shape not just how I viewed classrooms, but how I later approached counseling and ministry. Day after day, I would walk into rooms full of children I had never met, and within moments, the atmosphere would declare itself. Some classes were chaos, others were calm, and some were in between. For a long time, I asked myself, “What’s really at work here? Why do some children rise to their best selves while others seem trapped in cycles of misbehavior?”

After eight years of observation, I came to see the problem clearly. The education system, much like many parenting approaches, often leans heavily on the levers of consequence and reward. Sticker charts, marble jars, behavior color systems—endless gimmicks meant to control children as if they were Pavlov’s dogs. These systems might produce short-term compliance, but they do little to cultivate true character. In fact, they can demoralize children by teaching them they are little more than trained animals who perform for treats or avoid punishment. The Bible tells us that people are not commodities to be managed, but image-bearers of God, created for relationship and transformation at the level of the heart.

One of the most profound experiences I had came during a three-day job in a 5th grade classroom. To my surprise, the students were nearly flawless in their behavior—walking across campus in straight lines, listening attentively, showing kindness. Not once did I need to raise my voice or enforce rules. By the last day, I gathered them to thank them and to explain just how rare and refreshing their behavior was. I expected they’d need to hear my usual “pep talk” about discipline, but instead, one bright student raised his hand and turned the tables on me.

“Mr. Higg,” he said, “we already know all of this. When our teacher took away all the consequences and all the rewards, our behavior got really good, really quick.”

I was stunned. “You mean… no rewards? No consequences?”

He smiled. “Nope. Now we get more rewards than any other class, but it’s not because we’re working for them. They just happen because of how we act.”

Then he pointed me to a small poster on the wall. It wasn’t a list of rules. It was a chart of Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral Development. At the highest level, it read: “I have a personal code of behavior and I follow it.”

In that moment, I saw it. When children (and adults) are liberated from the hamster wheel of external control, they can rise into ownership of their own moral compass. They stop performing and start becoming. What that teacher had done was radical—she had trusted her students enough to stop manipulating them, and in doing so, she called them up into maturity.

This is the essence of Christian counseling as well. We don’t help people by controlling them with rewards or scaring them with consequences. We help by guiding them into their identity in Christ, where they can say with Paul: “The love of Christ compels us” (2 Cor. 5:14). Transformation doesn’t come from carrots or sticks. It comes from love, freedom, and truth that penetrates the heart.

That day in the 5th grade classroom, God whispered a truth I’ve carried ever since: whether children or adults, people flourish most when they are trusted to rise beyond fear and reward, into a life governed by love.